2 things I didn’t know I needed to let go of. Until I did.

Hayley Jade
5 min readApr 3, 2022


I don’t know how it’s happened

…but it’s as if a boy racer has just sped into me and given my wing mirror a good ol’ whack. Suddenly my view has changed, both the image of myself and of the world around me. And thank god, because my new perspective is liberating. Here’s what I now see…

#1 I can let go of old definitions of ‘good friendship’.

What’s your definition of a ‘good friend’? Here’s what I bring to the table:

  • Championing and supporting your dreams.
  • Generosity.
  • Honesty and openness.
  • A desire to understand how it feels to be in your shoes.
  • A shoulder to cry on — with no judgement — when you fall.

Here’s what I can no longer bring to the table:

  • Texting, Zooming and meeting as regularly as I once did.

While I love all the friends who’ve ever touched my life — truly, I am grateful for them all — I am over bending myself out of shape trying to keep up regular contact at the expense of my wellbeing. For me to feel good in my own skin I like to feel on top of the basics in my life. For me that’s my relationship, family, home and work. I also need some time alone to potter, be creative and re-charge. Here’s the rub. There simply isn’t time to have it all and be the definition of ‘good friend’ I have subscribed to for so long.

Are you one of those people at the airport who, without so much as a nail file in your luggage, tenses up as they walk through the scanner? I am. Which also means I’m one of those people who feels guilty when they take ‘too long’ to reply to a message or say ‘No, I’m not available’. The strange thing is I’d say I’m quite accepting when it takes people a while to get in touch with me; it’s like I don’t extend the same compassion and tolerance towards myself.

Well it’s time the definition of ‘good friend’ had a glow up. From this day forward:

  • I communicate and meet when I am able.
  • I allow myself the simpler pace of life I have been craving.
  • I ‘come out’ as liking real life more than screen.
  • I relish picking up where we left off.
  • I have you in my heart ’til next time.

#2 I can let go of rigid visions of my path.

Think of a time you’ve worked towards something and got it. It could be anything from a job to a new home. Now remember what unfolded next. Chances are you basked a while in glory, making precious memories, posting them to Instagram and enjoying — for a while — a brand new chapter. But how long was it before a different dream emerged, a yearning for a puppy or to travel, or even for something that completely contradicts your original goal? If you’re a well adjusted gal or chap, you would have slept on said new yearning and allowed it just to be if it persisted. Next you would have taken steps in your new direction, followed by a few more, until eventually you’d jacked in your job and gone to live on a barge.

Then there’s the rest of us, the not so well adjusted. When we want something and get it, it’s not so easy for us to accept that we’ve changed and allow ourselves to move on to the next right thing. Traditionally I’ve been part of this tribe. When I set myself the goal of making an album in my twenties, rearranged my life and made it happen, I didn’t enjoy the fruits of my labour for all that long before my inner bully burst forth. ‘Why aren’t you gigging more?’ she berated, followed by the smackdown: ‘Where’s your next album?’ The truth was my priorities had changed. I’d fallen in love with my drummer and began to lay the first foundations of a more domestic life. In short, life had moved on. The problem was my ego hadn’t. ‘Didn’t you say you were done with office jobs?’ said the bully, as I returned to work full time to save money for our first home. ‘Call yourself an artist?’, as I pooled and washed our whites.

When I found Transformational Breath® my ego relaxed a little. ‘This can be the next big thing in my life!’ she cheered, the perfect vehicle for the sensitive in me, the deep thinker and even deeper feeler. If I was to accept my ‘failure’ at becoming an artist, becoming a breathworker was a palatable — no, exciting — way to do it. Hell, it even allowed for a bit of music, this time in the form of sound healing. It was like the stars were aligning once again. Naturally for me when stars align, I start to get attached to the alignment. Cue bully beef if I dare to as much as daydream in a new direction. Well not this time. Despite the fact I have been training in breathwork for 4yrs, despite passing my exams, despite securing a therapy room at a gorgeous wellness centre…I allow my path to keep evolving.

Recently I’ve felt the urge to conserve my energy. To unplug the neon ‘open’ sign and let the flow of clients be whatever it will be - perhaps a trickle. I’ll enjoy the moments when I will be the ‘guide’, like at my workshops for Breathe and Lost Village festivals this August, but I’m also feeling called to prioritise my own process and expand my vision for my life and work.

  • There’s books I want to read, not for any training but for me. Fantastic books about physical, emotional and spiritual health.
  • I want to continue exploring coming off Prozac (you can read all about that here).
  • I want to experience living somewhere different for a while, somewhere with more sun.
  • I want to spend more time honing my writing.
  • I want to lean more deeply into my relationship, into the more feminine aspects of my being and into the unknown.

I let go of rigid visions of my path…

I‘m still here sharing tools to help you blossom. Still here fist-pumping for Transformational Breath®. But with more time tending my own garden than I’d envisioned, more time stocking the well.

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Hayley Jade

Writer & Creative | Transformational Breath® | If you like my Medium ‘column’ discover my vlogs and original music at https://linktr.ee/hellohayleyjade